Robin's first journey: a sea of love

Her own words

After lying there for a while, almost having given up the thought that anything would happen, I was lifted into a field that I experienced as the body's quantum consciousness, or quantum field.

My body began to melt. The heart became a sun, and an enormous warmth and love came over the whole chest area. It was like a volcano of love opening. I could see spirals, energy 'stalks', dots or particles, lines and patterns in all kinds of colours and formations – some chaotic, dark, others that produced beautiful pictures that are hard to describe in words. There were both faces and abstract shapes. In one place there was a kind of cave, in which stood a container with something that looked like a red velvet cloth – or perhaps it was light – on top. It glowed in a deep reddish-pink shimmer, and I thought I might try lifting the lid to see what was in the jar, but decided not to.

I saw my body as an outline of very thin lines, and the body was inside the whole field. Everything moved as a connected whole. The body could not move without everything around it moving too. At one point I became afraid to move and thought I would break if I tried – it reminded me of a dream I had had in which I was a small child and believed I would die if I moved in the next second.

Because I had talked to one of the other participants about quantum physics the day before, I thought that the body was not the 'real' reality, so perhaps I could move it a little anyway, because it felt a little frightening to lie completely still. So I moved my left index finger a little up and down and discovered that it could be done without breaking, and that was a relief.

Her own words

Soft waves of energy went through everything. All my areas of tension were 'touched' in turn, and I was shown them as a kind of countries on a map while I could feel and see them quite clearly when the energy was in the different places: shoulder, jaw, back and so on. It was as if everything was taken a little apart and then put together again. It was very gentle and did not feel dangerous, and I thought that if this was like dying or ego-dying, that is, the body being dissolved and put together again, then I am not afraid to die.

I then dived down into a volcano in the earth and saw the hot lava. This was connected with the pain in my right arm and shoulder. A connection was now opened between the love in the heart and the hot 'lava' in the arm, and the energies began to melt together into a great sea of love. I experienced that a huge revolution was under way, and that I should remember to tell my friends about it. At that moment a facilitator, whom I sensed as a great soul, came and put a hand on my shoulder.

I saw the shoulder's energy at the quantum level, and I learned that here I could contribute to dissolving the tension. It was a dark energy area, which could be transformed and set in motion. Energy formations in red-violet colours now began to come out of the area, which became more fluid. The formations were very beautiful. It was like an alchemical workshop.

I lost a little of my concentration and became absorbed by the fact that a great deal was also going on in other places in the field. I learned that I had to hold my attention as an intention plus my will on the 'shoulder place' if I wanted to continue working on the dissolution.

Here I also learned that: everything is possibility. Everything is possibilities, or everything is possible, and that we contribute to developing the possibilities with our attention, intention and will. I thought I should remember to tell this to my friends in the group, and I felt very great love for all of them.

At one point the wave energy moved up around my throat, and here I could feel that I became a little afraid.

Her own words

About halfway through the experience, I think, an inconceivable and surprising joy came. It bubbled with a feeling of happiness and my whole body and soul began to laugh and laugh. I became a little worried that it would disturb my fellow travellers, and I tried to restrain myself to a certain extent, but it was almost impossible, because it just came streaming by itself. My everyday worries appeared as thought forms, and the laughter just went on and on. It was as if these worries, all the discussions with myself and all my issues with power and powerlessness were a tiny footnote compared with how big, loving and happy the field was in which I found myself.

The music was wonderful. It constantly created new lines, sensations and formations in the field. When Ecaterina sang I sometimes saw beautiful flowers being formed beside her head. They were species of flowers unknown on earth. The guitar chords created lines and vibration patterns. At one point a big drum came by, and I saw a herd of elephants set in motion. They were very energetic and determined – holding their heads and trunks high – as if they had somewhere specific to go.

Then we heard pure birdsong, and it was like balm for the heart. I felt that I now truly understood why H.C. Andersen had written The Nightingale. I also remembered that Leonard Cohen had prayed that he would possess the ability to respond to all the beauty he saw around him. I now understood his wish on a deeper level too.

I asked if I could have my celestial name and got the answer: laughing sun or son. I could choose myself. I felt like the child on the tarot card The Sun. This was also reinforced by the fact that sometimes a warm piece of cloth was placed around my face, while a window was opened for fresh air in the room. It was lovely, and I felt like a safe child being cared for by a mother.

Along the way the facilitators came by and sang, gave warm hugs, held my hand and offered assistance with everything I needed. It was completely safe and good.

I feel deep awe, love and gratitude for the advanced intelligence that Mother Earth holds and gives us access to through the plant medicine. It was a kind of baptism, I think.

Her own words

Here the day after I still have tensions, but they have decreased considerably. I feel cleansed in body and mind and have, for example, done yoga sun salutation – for the first time without pain in the upper arm for many, many months.

Two days later:

I decide to give yoga more time and attention today than usual. I discover that several yoga exercises have become pain-free, for example the universal stretch. It is wonderful to do yoga, and I can feel that moving the body immediately has an effect back on the mind or 'the field', so that the body gets more and more release and well-being.

I get the insight that moving with pleasure is a tribute to our creator. This applies to all movement and all work. I now understand why I can, for example, dance a whole night without being sore in the body the next day.

Three days later:

This morning I feel the need to thank the spirit of the sacred tea, to thank for the fine ritual with which the whole session was opened, the grail cup, the lovely scent that was sent in circles around my head and the heartfelt, encouraging wish for a good journey.

THANK YOU! to the Universe, to you, all facilitators, musicians and all the participants.